Devin came in late to the game as a welcome co-producer and a much needed stress relief, if I am to be honest. There’s got to be a better way to get this album done, I keep thinking, but then new ideas come into my head and give me a complete paradigm shift of my initial intentions. Well, that’s not entirely true. Being extremely organized to a fault is definitely a fault of mine. The problem with being organized is having your organization methods match everyone else's.
When I wrote this album, I wrote the ideas myself. Then I brought it to the band to arrange and then we played live and then through all that process of energy, the dynamics changed and Mike wanted to add this and Aoi wanted to shorten that and then I found out Antoine wasn’t happy with this other thing. The skeleton of the writing always stayed intact but me being me, I wanted to tweak everything once I got to hear everyone’s voices.
Fast forward to everyone happy and we move on to recording.
I sat down one day at the studio fully intending to work through and finish what I thought was to be a simple and straightforward song. Devin heard the beat I was working with and just went, “hmm” and I flicked my eyes to him to say hmm what and he goes without pausing, “you need to make that beat do more, like really fuck it up” and of course I balked inwardly.
Antoine had done a similar thing to me in regards to another song that became infinitely better after his criticisms. But in that moment, I didn’t realize this and I just winced – not because of the challenge of making the song better, but because of the never ending task that seemed to be the making of this album.
I asked Devin what he wanted. He said he’d tinker with it later at home but I am intolerably impatient when it comes to these things. So I didn’t sleep at all that night and at 4 a.m. or some ungodly hour of the like, I sent him a tired text saying that I had completed a beat, or actually two overlapping beats, my penchant for complexity applied as a means of saturating my overwhelming anxiety. My thought was that if it seemed like I put a lot of work into it, it’d get a pass. Got my pass. Relief, so sweet.
The song now sits as a unique standalone amongst the set of songs, a welcome favourite. So it goes.